Waiting has its Privileges

In December, 2012 Scott announced his plan to pursue a senior pastorate and in January of 2013 he began working towards that end. This past year held surprises so I've tried to bring you up to speed on last year in my Killy-series part 1 here and part 2 here.

The way we imagined our transition unfolding was not God's plan and Scott and I were watching the paint peel for awhile. Today I share how God was working spiritually in my life during all the door closings and waiting.

About June I started participating in a women's Bible study I found online. Now I have a confession I'm truly embarrassed about: I have never been able to successfully, consistently get up early before everyone else and study the Word, pray, and hear from the Lord.

O LORD, in the morning you hear my voice;
in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch.
Psalm 5:3

For years I would read verses about morning worship and excuse the little prick of desire to obey. But apparently living on the edge of something changes your desires and causes you to dig in harder than before. Frustrated with a lack of fulfillment from my daily Bible readings (because I would drift in and out of consciousness when I read and later realize I could barely remember what I read.) I started this study in June. I did not join their live groups initially I simply emailed my own existing group of Good Morning Girls my insights about those verses.

I started the study during the summer months. My kids were sleeping in until 8:00am, the sun was shiny and bright by 6am and "early" and "quiet" hours were easy to come by. I started my early morning study fully expecting to fail and drop off as quickly as I started (the story of my life for starting new habits.) But from the first morning it was obvious God was meeting me there in His Word and showing me bushels of good things to apply to my days.

The experience was different than before. There was something kind of electric about this time. I was so excited about His presence I started waking before my alarm. I'd find myself bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 5:30 or even 5:00. I was writing my quiet time in a notebook. Day after day, week after week I filled that notebook with treasures. It holds Truth, confessions, God's promises, memory verses, and prayers. One day after another I was seeing my own situation in the situations I read about in scripture. Each day I would see God's direction for me in His Word. Sometimes the direction was just to continue faithfully praying and reading the Word. I prayed and prayed and God worked and worked and connected the dots in my mind helping me to see His faithfulness in our time of waiting.

To show you how I sensed God's real presence I have a couple examples. When school started I had to get up earlier on purpose and the cheery morning light was sleeping in longer. I figured I was doomed to slip into old routines. I had to shift my wake up time an hour earlier. I would hit snooze on my alarm and roll over initially but shortly something would prompt me to get up.

One morning I had just hit snooze and rolled over when a thought from the day before popped into my brain. I had seen a sign on Facebook with a saying on it: "I want to be the kind of woman who when her feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says, "Oh no, she's up!"  I'll wait while you read that again…

Got it? Now that kind of statement could be picked apart for it's bad theology but my brain just didn't care. While I was trying to roll over in bed my brain was a turntable with that saying its broken record and I finally couldn't stand the idea that snuggling down in bed instead of getting up and reading God's Word was giving Satan room to work. So I got up and hit my knees. So it may be a ridiculous kind of statement to some but God meant it for good--my good. That saying got me out of bed for two weeks. There was a voice there every morning I could not ignore.

Another time when I was unmotivated, cozy in my covers with my eyes shut a fleck of something got in my (closed!) eye. I had to blink to stop the irritation but it wouldn't go away. It flamed into big, watering eye pain. I had to sit up and rub my eyes and let the tears flow, well by then I was awake and hit my knees.

So God woke me up. E.V.E.R.Y.D.A.Y.  A heat wave would cause me to burn up and I was awake (hot flashes), the water I drank before bed came full circle, a child's bad dream caused her to wander in, I wouldn't have been surprised to find a parade banging through my bedroom (throw a little candy towards the bed please!) I'd never had so many wake-up intrusions in my whole life!

As I write this on January 23, I've probably missed my morning routine less than 15 times since I began in June and I have a 5 subject notebook full of insight, prayers, favorite verses and challenges that I find myself referencing often.

So while we were sitting there, watching the paint peel and listening to the crickets sing what I was really doing was just being in God's presence. I was having to lean on Christ for every day. I was living day by day not presuming to know what tomorrow would (or would not) hold. We made friends with more of our neighbors this summer as Scott was around a lot more. We spent time with our kids, we read new books, we looked outside our expected and usual routines and were inspired for our ideas on life and ministry. And I spent each morning on my knees, in God's Word--okay, I was figuratively on my knees while sitting in my brown chair but in spirit I was low, I was laying it all out for God: my fears, my sins, my praises and I was lifted up to the heavens.

Scott and I agreed we were not in a holding pattern by accident. We decided not to second guess how we answered interviewer's questions or if an offhand comment sent search committees running. We knew we couldn't budge the Lord. We knew God was showing us things. Our duty was to just be faithful in the waiting. Getting to see God work is certainly worth this time of waiting.

Proceed with caution, you may not be able to sleep in tomorrow morning.